i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
