I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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