So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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