No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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