Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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