I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
