last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
