I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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