you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
