Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.