: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.