Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?