sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?