I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass