ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.