You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
