When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage