My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Okay so I just had a really great idea