it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.