you guys were way drunker than both of me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.