Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper

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  (773): Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper http://tfl.nu/ngxc
  Replies (9) Good night (2782) Bad night (500)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i wish there were pregnant emoticons

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  (440): i wish there were pregnant emoticons http://tfl.nu/icoh
  Replies (11) Good night (654) Bad night (3049)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

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  (862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife
  Replies (12) Good night (1034) Bad night (4040)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed

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  (617): i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed http://tfl.nu/c1fn
  Replies (7) Good night (4590) Bad night (872)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

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  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (20) Good night (9076) Bad night (1214)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.

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  (419): We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic. http://tfl.nu/lf87
  Replies (11) Good night (2302) Bad night (1669)
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  (858): View more from California

  while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go

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  (858): while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go http://tfl.nu/n616
  Replies (7) Good night (3799) Bad night (661)
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  (408): View more from California

  We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.

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  (408): We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices. http://tfl.nu/tes7
  Replies (5) Good night (2380) Bad night (1103)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet

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  (920): If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet http://tfl.nu/w7lt
  Replies (3) Good night (1920) Bad night (694)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.

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  (630): Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms. http://tfl.nu/uuzs
  Replies (13) Good night (748) Bad night (2241)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!

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  (+64): He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?! http://tfl.nu/rdvw
  Replies (7) Good night (944) Bad night (1453)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.

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  (513): I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda. http://tfl.nu/j95t
  Replies (20) Good night (2107) Bad night (832)
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  (+81): View more from

  There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"

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  (+81): There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there" http://tfl.nu/7b6f
  Replies (1) Good night (1068) Bad night (365)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED

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  (701): Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED http://tfl.nu/76ld
  Replies (5) Good night (481) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.

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  (847): I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text. http://tfl.nu/zkwg
  Replies (6) Good night (505) Bad night (184)

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