I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
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There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail