Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dating After Heartbreak
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.