Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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