What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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