I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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