Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?