i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You may now shotgun with the bride
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.