Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
