I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
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last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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