I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
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Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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