Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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