Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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