She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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