that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
