i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE