Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right