i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
