I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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