if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
