Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize