Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
