Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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