My brain says no but my pants say off.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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