If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize