My first STD was from a foam party
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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