I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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