Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
