I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
