I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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