Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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