We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
