I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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