you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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