I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!