Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.