hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Then you guys just all showered together...?