Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize