Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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