apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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