Soap is not a condiment
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
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There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.