You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.