she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.