What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"