apparently the secret to your success is patron
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.