His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.