i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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