I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
