I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
