I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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