it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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